guess where I am now…

I am sitting at the computer desk in my parents’ house in Arkansas. Again.
…and I absolutely hate it.

I had to leave Australia for reasons beyond my control. No, they did not have anything to do with the fact that the relationship I was in when I arrived down under went sour very quickly, though some people will not believe me when I say that. The fact of the matter is: university tuition became a burden for my parents, so much so I could not ask them to go into more debt for me. When I first got to Australia, the exchange rate was around $0.65 American for $1.00 Australian. When I was looking at the exchange rate this past month it was $0.97 American for $1.00 Australian. One thousand dollars was really one thousand dollars again. Had the Australian dollar not gained so much strength (or the American dollar loose so much) I would have stayed in Queensland and would be enrolled in classes again for Semester 1. Alas, I am not.
Most people look at me and ask why I didn’t get a job to help pay for school. I tried. Ninety percent of job openings were for business hours only, not a schedule that my classes would allow. The other ten percent of job openings were for positions that I was not qualified for. So, finding a job that I could actually keep was more difficult than anyone expected.

There is more to the story than that, as one would imagine, but I am leaving it there for now. I have too much on my mind, like…

…getting enrolled in university over here. I will return to Australia (though some people don’t believe me when I say that either) with a degree. Or a marriage certificate. I will find the cheapest, quickest route to permanent residency in Australia as soon as possible. I will have to finish my degree in the States though, much to my dismay. I was really counting on a diploma from Oz with certified qualifications and such in order to almost guarantee a job in the country. Contrary to my family’s ideas, a degree from the States does not always mean you are considered better educated. Especially when that degree is from a small town in a small state that no one in Australia knows of. Other than Bill Clinton’s homestate.

…getting a job. I need to get some money soon. My parents are not doing as well financially as most people seem to think, and I hate asking for more money to go see friends they don’t know. Or paying for my food. Or my entertainment. I hate asking them for money anymore. I’m old enough to support myself, and as soon as I get a job, I am helping with bills. I’ve got to get two jobs at least, in order to save up money to backpack through Europe before I return to Australia. And the visa I will need to get a job there. And the plane tickets. And my trip to New York. I’ve got to get a job as soon as possible.

…my sister. I received a call this morning from my sister who lives about 5 hours away. There’s evidence of someone trying to break in to her house and she doesn’t want to be alone this weekend while her husband takes care of a sick friend. I was asked to stay with her. Anyone who knows my family knows that I do not get along with my sister. We can’t be in the same room, or house for that matter, without arguing over anything and everything. She’s very firm in her/her husband’s beliefs and I have my own way of thinking. We can’t even watch a movie without arguing over the plot or what we would have done in that position. And not to mention I would have to have fuel to get to her place and back. And if you have been reading this, you know I have no job right now and money is tight. She offered to fill my tank when I got down there, but I can’t travel very far on my small fuel tank. I feel horrible for leaving her alone, but I feel horrible for asking my parents to pay for my way down there. I’m stuck.

…my friend. I got word today that my friend who lives two hours away is in a very stressful and saddening situation. I won’t go into details here, but if you believe in God, please say a prayer for him and his family. I’m going to visit him, as planned, for New Years and hope to take his mind off the recent events.

…Australia. I keep coming back to Australia. I miss that place. I miss my friends, the beach, the sun, the atmosphere, the smell of the grass, ect. I hate thinking of it, but it keeps me going through the day.

So, now that I have actually written something here, I am going to bed. It’s late and I’m supposed to be tired. Maybe the wine will kick in soon.

Take care all.
~Kristin Nichole

12 June 2009

Okay, so things are okay now. Actually, things are pretty good.

Uni: Finals start tomorrow. I have yet to really start studying. And we were given a whole week off to study, good on you Aussies. However, I am a horrible student and did not take advantage of it at all. Instead, I laid around the room and watched television and got on the internet. Nevertheless, finals will be finished in less than a week and I will have time to kill.

Social matters: I finally got to meet Pete. I mentioned finding a fellow in Brisbane before I got on the plane a few months ago. We’ve been chatting ever so often on the internet and texting a few times as well. He found himself in my area and we met up for coffee. He’s super nice and it was great to finally put a face to the name. Other than that, I have not really been socializing. I sent out a few e-mails to people in the States that I have lost contact with and even found an old friend on Facebook. That was pretty cool. And I may have a friend to visit when I want to make my way down to the southern states here in Oz.

Church: So, Caleb and I go to church on Sunday mornings. While there one morning a girl, Alex, came up to me and we started talking. She pretty much told us that we need to get in the habit of going to church on Wednesday nights because the “service” consists mainly of music and you can just go soak it in, hence the name “Soak”. We also ran into a few friends that we were getting in the habit of meeting up with every other Tuesday. Unfortunately we missed a few due to circumstances beyond our control and we were told that the meeting was this coming Tuesday. We planned on going to it and then the following night would be Soak. We never got the message for the Tuesday meeting, so we went out to eat instead. Then Wednesday we walked over to the church and it was locked. So, we missed out. And were kind of confused. But there is a young adult service tonight that we’re probably going to attend.

Family: I have no idea what they are up to really. I got a package sent out yesterday filled with goodies for them. I’m kind of excited to get pictures of the boys and their gifts. And I want to know what my dad thinks of his. I’m also supposed to get one from my mother soon too. Probably in two weeks. I told her to wait till she got mine so she could put pictures in it. My sister’s pregnancy is going well I guess. She seems super excited about the whole thing and even has part of his room set up. I wish I could be there for the birth, but pictures and video will suffice. I can’t imagine jetting back after less than a year for just a short time. When I go back, I want to see stuff. I want to go to New York and Texas and Tahoe and Utah and Chicago and Florida and …yeah, heaps of places. So, I want to wait on this trip and maybe convince my mother or father to come over here and see me and the beach.

Friends: I have kind of lost contact with my friends from the States. I am e-mailing a couple back and forth that I haven’t really seen or talked to since graduation, so that is nice. But the ones I had back in college are becoming distant. Lives are so hectic in drama-filled Arkansas, so that is understandable. However, I am making new friends here, which is nice. I am able to go out and do things without feeling awkward or like a third wheel now. I really wish I could keep the friendships I had made strong though.

I am off to study now. I want to actually pass the course with flying colours… maybe.

Back to the drawing board

I have decided to change somethings. Things are not going the way I want, so I will change them. Alas, to do that  I must return to the drawing board.

I have one final left to go. I took three so far this week. Monday night was the highlight though. All of reality hit me that night. Stress, worry, anger. Everything came crashing down in less than 2 seconds. So, I did something about it. I have a new tattoo.

I am offically done with band here this afternoon. I turn in my uniform at 2 pm and then never step foot in that building again.

Friday I will venture back down to Arkansas for an eye exam, medical exam and chest x-ray. The latter two are for the student visa, the first is for my own needs. I hope to get some prescription lenses with the transition film stuff so I won’t get headaches from the sun anymore. I’m tired of that. All should go well and by this time next week all of the information for the student visa will be in the hands of those who need it, and I will be golden when I get on the plane.

…53 days left.

Colorguard 2008

I’m very excited about this year. The guard is like none I’ve been with before. We all click. Our personalities just mesh really well. It’s different than last year, or the year before. We all got along last year at first. But as the year progressed, things went sour. I just pray that the vibe from the first few days continues. It would be a sad day when the previous year was repeated. The drama and stress levels of everyone shot through the roof. Things were said and done that never should have happened….but this year seems to be better.
We even have a male joining us. No one knew about him until Monday morning. I didn’t know about him…I was shocked when he was walking with us to talk about uniforms. I’m a very….social person, so I was jumping up and down and hugging him. It’s like having my best guy friend from high school with me. I am uber excited about him. He brings a special attitude to practice-and some great stories. We get along so well.
All that aside, I bought my books for school today. Seven. Seven books. My literature class took 3 alone, and I didn’t get the “purchase” book required. I already have a copy of Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, so I figured I’d save some money. I start classes next week. And work. One of the guard girls got a job at the same place, so I’m a little more excited about it now.
I also move the rest of my things on Saturday. I am going back to Arkansas tomorrow evening and packing everything I think I’ll need or want and hitting the road with my parents as early as possible on Saturday. My friend of almost 15 years is joining me…and my parents don’t know it yet. They don’t really like her, but I do. She is coming up here to see my apartment and we are going to try to have some fun before she moves next Monday. We’re going to be about 5 hours away from each other and we aren’t used to that. We’ve always been fairly close. We share clothing all the time. Speaking of which, I need to return some things I believe. So, she’s coming with us. I don’t know if my father knows about the male living with us…I know my mother does, but my father won’t like it….Oh well.
I’ll try to post a few pictures on Saturday.

My road trip…

“Where are you?”
“I’m in Tennessee.”
“You scare me. You worry me…”
“I’ll be fine. I AM fine.”
“…it’s kinda cool that you can do this…”
“Yeah, I hear that.”

I took a road trip. I headed east. I had no idea where I was going, just that I wanted to go. I had an entire week in between my last day of work in Arkansas and the first day of band. I wanted it that way. I wanted to go somewhere. I looked at trains, airplanes, buses…and ended up taking my car. I have a little 2001 Kia Sportage. Not that great of a car, especially since the air conditioning doesn’t really work that well. But it gets great gas mileage.
Saturday and Sunday were spent with my sister here in Arkansas. I thought about leaving on Sunday, but I wanted to sleep so badly. I did wake up around 10am or so to an empty house. I was tempted to leave, but that would not be kosher, so decided against it. (Yes, I know that “kosher” was not used in the correct context…but I don’t care. I just like the word.) I decided I would leave Monday morning.

Monday: I woke up around 8am. No reason, other than lacking the ability to sleep any more. I got a shower and started looking at packing. I had no idea where I was going, what I was going to do once I got there, or how long I was going to be gone. What the flip was I going to pack? I ended up taking about 3 changes of clothing and one pair of shoes besides the ones that were already on my feet. My mother was already off at work. My father was waiting on the nurse to arrive for my grandmother. No one was taking me seriously. No one thought I was really going to leave.
“Hello?”
“I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Is that…wind?”
“Yeah.”
“You really left.”
I hit the road. I followed the signs that said “East”…nothing else. Not even 45 minutes away, I came to a town I have been to a few times before. I remember the food, grape juice, winery tours, the church. St. Mary’s Catholic Church in Altus, AR. It’s absolutely gorgeous. I’ll have pictures up on Flickr before the day is out. I went and just sat in awe of the beauty. The church is located on the top of a large hill…or mountain. Not quite sure. Either way, the view is breath-taking. After seeing the church, I hit the road again. I went all the way through Arkansas and ended up in Tennessee. I was tempted to stop in Memphis, but I toughed it out and stopped in Nashville. I arrived at about 8:30pm. I was beat. So, I rested.

Tuesday: I woke up in Nashville. Home of country music legends. I checked out of the hotel and headed to Downtown Nashville. I found my way to Broadway. Union Station. CMT (Country Music Television). I walked around for a while. It reminded me so much of New York City. The only real difference is it’s a lot smaller. It has the same feel, just less crap. Not to mention, it’s spotlessly clean compared to NYC. I wondered around Nashville for a few hours, ended up paying $1.50 for a can of coke, and hit the road again. I went back west. I drove about two hours and ended up in Memphis. I remembered Beale Street from late junior high and wanted to see it again. But it was way to early for anything really interesting to be going on, so I found a hotel again. I chanced into a cheaper one. With internet. And a pool. I chilled for a little and went swimming. I even made a friend. I get to the indoor pool and there were two people in it already. But I had to get in the water, so I just intruded. Turns out it was a father and son. 7 year old Conner and 29 year old Ryan or Bryan or Randy. I feel bad, I didn’t really get his name. Anywho, we talked for about an hour while Conner splashed around and played games. He is from Nashville, owns a restaurant/catering service, has a girlfriend with an 18 month old daughter, did this, did that…basically, we talked about anything and everything. We ended up parting ways and I went back to the room to get ready for Beale Street. I didn’t head out till about 8pm. Nothing starts till late at night anyway. I figured that out after I got there and saw signs up. It’s pure nightlife. I walked around. The street is blocked off between such-and-such hours. One guy came up to me for cigarettes. Three times. A group of males were standing in the middle of the sidewalk and one turns to me, has a beer in one hand and waves at me with the goofiest smile on his face. The others follow suit. I get to the end of the street and there is an officer of the law standing over a male handcuffed face-down on the street. I laugh and turn to walk away. I see a park. Not well lit, so I don’t venture in. I leave Beale Street and head back to the hotel after making one purchase. I buy my father a shirt. He is the only person I bought anything for. Go Dad! I get back to the hotel, still no internet (didn’t have it to begin with) so I hit the sack.

Wednesday: I wake up in Memphis, Tennessee. 9am. Take a shower. Check out. Hit the road. West (again). I drive all the way back to my “hometown”. No stops (other than gas stations). I make a few phone calls once I am back and go back to the work place I quit only days before. I had to pick up my paycheck. My aunt already had it though, so I didn’t even go into the building I worked in. I went into the one right next to it. I talk candidly with several people who are quiting in the days to come and those who wish they had somewhere to go so they could quit. I meet up with a friend. We grab lunch and I head back to the house. I unpack and do some laundry and generally relax….some more. I watch movies and catch up on the internet part of my life.

So, I move out in a matter of days. I am moving out for good. I have an apartment with a friend and her boyfriend. We have a pretty good deal on the rent and all, so I’m really excited. I start packing tomorrow.

Here’s the video from the trip….