Mom,
Please don’t worry so much about this. I have thought this through, believe me. I don’t want to be out of money, but I want to get out of the country. I’m going to school, I’m going to graduate. I told you that. I never said it would be here though. But I will graduate. I’m doing research about this. I feel horrible that you and dad are still paying for my school, but I’m so grateful for it. I would seriously be up a creek if it weren’t for you two. I know how lucky I am, I really do. And it’s not like when I’m over there that we’ll stop talking. I’m completely aware of the fact that the family won’t do that. They just can’t walk away from such drama. And I’m okay with that too. You’re going to have to get a little more computer-savvy though. I’ll help with what I can before I leave. I want video of Hannah and Caleb and Trevor and you and dad and Amber and Robert…and I will return the favor. I’ll send you updates on a regular basis with video and pictures and everything. I’ll even send you a Christmas card of me on the beach! I want one of the house if there’s snow. We’ll keep in contact, it’s just going to be a little different because of the time difference. I love you and all, but I can’t be up at 3am talking to you when I have class in the mornings. I’m going to stay busy, I’m going to graduate from college and get a job. And you and Dad will have to come visit me. I’ll show you around my home and we’ll go to the beach. Maybe when it’s snowing, wouldn’t that be cool? But please, don’t worry. I know you won’t really, but at least trust in me. You didn’t raise an idiot. I don’t know if it will help you, but I am scared. That’s why I’m over-preparing for this. I want to have more than enough money and support before I go to a different country knowing absolutely no one. It isn’t like when I went off to school in Missouri, and I know that. I won’t be able to hop in my car and drive a couple of hours to see you, do laundry or whatever. I will basically be on my own…for real. I’m excited too. I’m looking forward to it. I want to go out there and not know anyone. I want to be thrust into a new country with new customs and new everything, I want this. More than anything, I want this. I will do whatever it takes to get there. It’s my turn to be brave….
If this is the moment, I stand here all alone…
Everything I have inside, everything I own,
I can’t be afraid, ’cause it’s my turn to be brave….
I love you….
Tag Archive: Idina Menzel
I went to New York. New York…I’ve talked about New York for years. And I finally got to go…
I spent 5 wonderful days and 4 glorious nights in New York. I had the time of my life. I saw sights I’ve never seen before, felt things I’ve never felt before, did things I never dreamed of. It was amazing.
I saw the beach, New York City, Huntington, Wicked…I rode the subway, trains, airplanes…I met a New Yorker, Jamaicans, saw lots of Asians…I went in Louis Vuitton, Hershey’s, the M&M shop, a three-story Olive Garden…
Quite a bit happened in the 5 days spent in New York. I left Arkansas to be taken to Hicksville, Long Island…weird, right? The hotel was nice. Really nice. Like brand new. I saw a movie in a theater in Queens the first day. I spent a day in Huntington and saw Fleet Cove. Gorgeous. I walked in the ocean. Jones Beach was closed because of fireworks, but I was buried in the sand there….
Better to Have Loved
By: Idina Menzel
If the sun went down tomorrow and it never came back
And the city went quiet and we fade to black
Well I won’t have a single regret
And I wouldn’t trade a thing
Cause I never knew I could feel what I feel inside of me
Better to have loved than never loved at all
Better to have dreamed than never taken the fall
Better to have loved you and let you in than never to have touched your skin
Better to have hurt and screamed and cried
Fall into the earth for a trip to the sky
Better to have loved
You
Better to have Loved:
I knew all the time I was taking a chance
When I stand there on the edge of the cliff and no one was holding my hand
Well the wind blew strong and the clouds rolled in and I, I felt us lift off the ground
Yes I bared my soul and I dared to go knowing one day you might let me down
Better to have loved than never loved at all
Better to have dreamed than never taken the fall
Better to have loved you and let you in than never to have touched your skin
Better to have hurt and screamed and cried
Fall into the earth for a trip to the sky
Better to have loved
You
I gave you everything but to have said goodbye
Better to have loved than never loved at all
Better to have dreamed than never taken the fall
Better to have loved you and let you in than never to have touched your skin
Better to have hurt and screamed and cried
Fall into the earth for a trip to the sky
Better to have loved, better to have loved
You
I have no idea what that is supposed to mean for this post. It’s part of a song I really like from R.E.N.T. sung by Idina Menzel. I just like it. :p
Nothing spectacular happened today. Well, I take that back. Two people fell going out the door at work. I laughed so hard at the second one. I couldn’t laugh at the first because I was in an interview with someone else. I had to keep my cool…and it worked. For the first time in forever I actually watched someone fall flat on their face and didn’t crack a smile. It was amazing. As soon as the room was clear though, I laughed so hard. I had tears in my eyes. It was the best laugh I’ve had in a while. (Other than the class 3 sex-offender….rofl)
I even started journaling for my “therapy” sessions. I was supposed to start that last week, but I have been so busy. I bought the books about 2 days after I agreed to write daily, and I just forgot about it. And I’ve had very little time to do anything other than work and sleep. But, I started writing today. And it felt good. I can’t put what I wrote up here due to promising that it would never be read by anyone. Not even me….not for a while anyway. I will go back and read it eventually. Maybe in a few months…when I’m in a different state.
So, a short post for a fairly uneventful day. I guess that is all for now. I highly doubt I will feel like writing when I get off work tonight…..
