breadcrumbs and footsteps

The sound of footsteps echoes

In my ears, in rhythm with my breaths,

My heart is racing, my mind is reeling

With thoughts of failure or death.

The darkness of the forest

Begins to over-power me,

I stop and turn my ears

To hear the voice that sings.

The sound is light and airy

Coming from far away,

I start walking again

Knowing I cannot stay.

Walking again, keeping

My sounds at a low

I hear another person

Making sounds I know.

The other person’s footsteps

Are nearing my own,

I stop making progress

Not wanting to be known.

following breadcrumbs

I stop dead in my tracks,

Silence so loud its deafening.

My ears strain to hear

Something, anything.

The drive to find that voice

Gives way to tears and fear,

My heart starts racing

As I try to get out of here.

I turn to see my path,

My breadcrumbs on the ground,

And quickly follow the way

Away from the sound.

As I near the edge of the forest

Memories of the music flood in,

The song that broke my heart

And came to a sudden end.

I start to wonder about the voice

And the singer behind,

Another beauty like that

I was sure I could not find.

Were they still there

Waiting for someone to come around?

Were they singing a song

Hoping to finally be found?

breadcrumbs

I am tossing breadcrumbs

Marking my path so I don’t get lost.

This forest is massively huge

Tree after tree, rock after rock.

Following that magical sound,

The only thing on my mind,

I cannot place the source

It is a one-of-a-kind.

I hear it above the birds in the trees

Watching me, singing their own melody.

I hear it above the river’s water

Filled with fish, rushing by next to me.

As I draw closer to the music,

That beautifully tragic song,

Is that a voice I hear?

The musician is singing along!

The deep, sultry voice

Takes me by surprise.

I can almost decipher the words

But the sound dies.

….

So, I figure this video won’t suffice as a post…so here I go elaborating.

Today was one of the more relaxing days I’ve had. I never left the house. I slept in as long as my body would let me…about 8:30 am. And I went to bed late. I just laid there. I laid down for a couple of hours trying to coax my body in to sleeping some more. It just wouldn’t listen. My mind ran with random thoughts. Work followed by crap followed by work followed by family…followed by crap again. So I figured I’d go ahead and get up for the day. I planned on cleaning the house for my mother. I tried to convince myself into cleaning for her. I owe her that much. But I took a shower and got dressed and sat on the couch and watched television till my brain felt like it was rotting out. So I flipped over to movies. I also played on the computer for hours. And I got ice cream.
:: So today was okay. Better than last night…I’m so tired of that. I’m tired of crying myself to sleep over something I have no control over. And I have no control over it. I never will. It’s not up to me. It never was. I can’t say I’m okay…I never can. But I can try to explain myself, even though I don’t understand myself either.
:: You ask me why. I don’t know exactly why, I never will. I will never understand why I would want to be with anyone. I am not a social person. I never have been, never will be. But here you come. In less than 2 weeks I talked to you more than anyone else, more than everyone else combined. I’ve never clicked with someone so quickly, so well. It scared the hell out of me. You quickly became my best friend. You will always be my best friend. I can talk to you so freely. About anything. You knew my darkest secrets…and you didn’t try to talk me out of what I was doing. You listened to me and that was that. That meant so much to me, it still does. You just accepted who I was, no change needed. And then you grew to be someone special to me. Someone I want to see every day…talk to every day. And we can talk about anything and everything. Starcrunch. And I love it….

…24 days left.

one more day