There’s something to be said about hand written letters. I have two sitting on my desk waiting for replies. One goes back to Ireland, the other to a boy in prison. Lately, I haven’t had the motivation to write back. I have plenty of time, just no motivation at all. I need to get so much done.

I’m fairly confident that no one reads this anyway, so I’m just going to ramble to myself from now on. If no one reads it, no one can get their feelings hurt.

I’m supposed to be in Kentucky in about three weeks for a friend’s birthday. Me and three other people are going to carpool up there and stay in a cabin for a night or two. I really want to go, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to get off work or not. I always get every other weekend off, and that just happens to be one of those weekends, but Friday night may be tricky. Hopefully someone will trade me Tuesday or something. I think a weekend away will really do me some good.

A commercial for Domino’s just came on. I don’t remember the pizza being “bad” or whatever, but I do love the new stuff.

I was supposed to work tonight, but I got to come home. Yesterday I worked about four hours and got really sick. I left at 2:30am because of passing out and nausea. My mum had to come get me because I couldn’t drive myself. The nurse that was working was pretty sure it was my blood sugar being too low, but I was convinced I had eaten before going in (which I found out was wrong) so I got to leave just in case. For almost an hour, I sat in a chair with my head between my knees and sweated. It was one of the scariest nights of my life. I had no idea what was going on. I remember screaming for one of the other aids right before everything went black.

I slept the rest of the night and the next day away. I had to be woken up for food.

…I need to get enrolled in uni. I have to get another copy of my transcript from Australia. The retards in Fort Smith didn’t get it or didn’t bother listening to me or something and they told me to have Australia send another one, which will cost me another ten dollars plus the phone call plus the exchange fees. It’s ridiculous. I need to fill out the rest of my FAFSA to apply for scholarships. I need to apply to the friggin’ uni in Fayetteville.

I’m making a to-do list and putting it up in all the rooms of this house.

// I just sent off the application to Fayetteville. Good think I have money in the bank, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to pay for it. Forty bucks is a bit steep, but whatever. I need a better education.

I think I might make a Joplin trip again. I’d like to meet up with Itty Bitty and grab some food and talk. I’d like to meet up with a few girls from the uni for drinks. I’d like to see Barry again… The thing is, I can’t stay the night up there anymore unless I find somewhere else to sleep. Ryan’s got a new girlfriend and out of respect and such for her, I’d rather not stay at his place. (And I’ve heard that Caleb’s living with Ryan now too, so yeah…not going over there for a long while.) Maybe Barry would let me stay with him. He’d probably want something again…

Crap. I’ve got to start reading again. And learning Japanese. And eating.

I’ve got over $500 in savings right now. I get paid again this week, so it’ll almost double. Thank God I’m getting something done that I wanted.

I’m having a better day. At least, better than the day I had yesterday. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, which is actually a good thing this time.

:: I have a goal. Financial goals are always an easy thing for me to achieve, so this time I made it intentionally difficult. Ten thousand dollars. I will have ten thousand dollars excess in my bank account by the end of the year. For this to be a reality, I will have to put $450 from each pay check (every two weeks) into an account that I cannot touch. I’m pretty confident that this goal will get in the way of my intended trip to New York in May. I might be able to do it next year on Spring Break or something.

:: I will be able to start classes in the summer. I talked to the university admissions and they received the transcript from Missouri Southern and the one from Griffith University is on its way. I had to call them and pay for it with a credit card. Ten bucks to have them print and mail it, which really isn’t that bad. So, I wait for that to come in and then I enrol in classes. With any luck, I’ll be done in a year and a half, maybe the summer after. Then I’m gone again.

:: I hope to get a job offer from the University I attended. I’ll be able to do research and such. Or maybe I could work for the Aussie government. That would be kind of interesting.

:: I’ve been thinking about Caleb lately. A part of me misses him so much (as evident from a previous post), but another part of me is kind of…relieved. I don’t have nearly as much drama in my life, and I’ve realized I’ve grown since we’ve stopped talking. I knew before I ever met him that I have an addicting personality. Now, that is not me trying to say that people find me addicting or anything, it’s actually kind of the opposite. Once I find something that I enjoy, I immerse myself in it. When The Phantom of the Opera came out on DVD, I watched it 7 times in two days. I listened to the soundtrack exclusively for months. When I started watching Lost, I abandoned homework to finish the season. When I discovered kissing…things went downhill. I lost myself in a relationship because I enjoyed it too much. I’m happy to have myself back. And I am not in any hurry to get back into one. I’m pretty confident that I won’t be intimate with another guy again, physically or emotionally. I know how easily I can lose myself and I don’t want that to happen again. I have myself back and I’m not going to risk losing me again.

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:: Warning: This post will be slightly random and probably a bit lengthy. It’s been forever since I’ve posted or written anything.

:: I’ve got a new job and my first payday is tomorrow. I work 11pm to 7am roughly 5 nights a week at a pay rate of $8.50 per hour. It’s not the most glamorous position, but it’s a job. On the bright side, I finished that schooling about 2 weeks ago and I got sponsored at a local nursing home…so I’m there. I’m not exactly thrilled with the place, but it works and they are paying for my state test. I take that on March 28th and after that day I will be paid $10.50 per hour. I’m excited about that part. I’ve worked about 2 or 3 nights, but I was on days (7am to 3pm) for training for about a week. Down side to that is I got paid $7.50 per hour. Not so great. Still, it’s money. I pulled my first double the first night I worked. I didn’t expect to work till 3pm, but I was needed to do a one-on-one. There is this resident who walks a lot and they are at risk of falling when they do, plus they have Alzheimer’s disease so trying to reason with them is pretty much useless. Anywho, I sat next to their bed till they woke up and then walked with them down the hall for two hours. TWO HOURS. Then I got slapped in the face. Hard. The next night I worked, I was hit on by another resident. They were very sexually inappropriate-touching and grabbing kind of inappropriate. Work sucks sometimes.

:: I found Nutella.

:: I had a moment on Tuesday. I was following my father to the next town to take his motorcycle to get new tires and I had a moment. I just about cried. I was driving across the bridge going over the river when I looked up and saw the sky. Absolutely beautifully blue with puffy white clouds…and I thought about how it wouldn’t be that bad to stay in Arkansas. I’ve got a job that pays fairly well (or will after 28 March) and I can live rent free with my parents in a separate section of the house and I can go to school to finish my chemistry degree and not feel rushed or miserable about where I am or where I’m not or who is in my life and who I hang out with…

:: I had a conversation with my cousin last night. He was upset about how he didn’t want to finish his homework and I was making him. He told me that finishing his story wasn’t as important as God and therefore he didn’t have to finish it. He’s nine years old. This boy has grown up so much in the past year…and I’m in awe. He is the most caring, passionate child with a heart of gold. And he has been forced to grow up too soon.

:: I finally get to keep the spinning ring.

:: We have a new dog in the yard. My dad calls it “Suzie Squatter”. She’s huge, but pretty. I almost wish we could keep her, she’s not a mean dog…she’s just strange. I think she’s part boxer, unfortunately, so she’s about twice as big as our dog, Peanut. I’m surprised my dad encourages her to stay. He’s been feeding her and petting her and, apparently, gave her a name.

:: I’ve been trying to hard to develop a social life and calendar. Misty and I have been trying to go bowling on Monday nights since its $1.25 per game per person and $1.25 for shoes. And $4.00 margaritas. We went the first time and talked about making it a weekly thing, and going to the movies on Tuesday since its $5 per movie and $1 for popcorn/drinks, and finding something for Wednesday. It turned out to be all talk and no action though. Since then, we went bowling once and that is only because I talked her into taking a break from “homework” (she was actually at Wal-Mart visiting her boyfriend) so we could talk. I got Marissa to join us, which was awesome. I miss hanging out with her. I’m trying to get a routine or something for Wednesday at Pizza Hut since it’s $0.50 wings. I tried yesterday, but all the girls’ plans fell through. This sucks. I had more of a social life in Australia with only one friend I got to see. I miss it…

:: Hopefully my schooling gets to start in the summer. I sent off a fax to have Missouri Southern State University to mail a copy of my transcript to the University of Arkansas Fort Smith so I don’t have to restart my course. I hope it got there.

22 July 2009

I take a break today from writing poetry to tell my most recent activities in Australia. The following is the update that I e-mailed to my friends and family back in the States. I try to let them know what I am up to and that everything is okay, even though I am 9000 miles away.

//I figure I should do one of these since it’s been over a month. And for that I am sorry for not keeping you guys updated with my adventure. My apologies.

So, I have officially ended my first semester of uni. And I passed with a GPA of 4.5. Not too shabby, if I say so myself. I hope to bring that up quite a bit though, and I expect I shall in the upcoming semester. All science classes. Yay! Speaking of which, I should probably explain that whole…ordeal.

The day of my last final exam, I turned in the form for an internal transfer. This is where you are still studying at Griffith Uni, but you are in a different school (also known as department). I transferred from the School of Human Services and Social Work to the School of Environment. I will attend classes at a different campus. Thank God it is closer to where we live now (that story in a few minutes) and I can just bike my way. The bus isn’t very expensive, but I would rather get some exercise. Sorry for the tangent, back to uni. In order to still complete a degree in the time allotted until my visa expires (March 2012) I will have to either take an extra class each semester OR have my credits from Missouri Southern State University transferred to Griffith. In order to have my credits transferred, I had to fill out another form and turn it in along with my transcript and course outlines (seeing as how MSSU is not strongly affiliated with Griffith, they need to know what is taught in the course in order to grant the correct class completed). No problem, right? I was very much wrong. I got the course outlines from the university and turned them in with my application. I figured that since Griffith already had my transcript from when I first applied that it would be no problem. Also, I found out that the outlines I printed out and turned in where not signed and I had to forward the e-mail to the guy who is taking care of my case. The outlines were taken care of rather quickly, the transcript is another matter. The copy the guy is getting is so crappy that he cannot read it. And I cannot just have MSSU e-mail me a copy because they suck and do not deal with these matters via e-mail or phone. So, I had to take a picture of my driver’s license and send it to my mother via e-mail along with a form that she had to forge my signature on so I could request a transcript. MSSU called my parents’ home and said they could not read my identification and we would have to resend it. In the mean time, the guy who is taking care of my case has e-mailed me and said to just call him when I am ready to get this taken care of. Oh yeah….classes start next week.

So, I am going to use my phone credit and call MSSU Registar’s office when they open and speak to them directly. I cannot wait for this matter to be dealt with.

Now that I have typed more than enough to send…I should enlighten the few who were worried about my moving. It’s simple really. This past Sunday we moved out of the unit at Beachcomber (the one right on the beach, with the spa and sauna and indoor pool). I have no idea really why Markos said we had to move out, but I think things were just getting a little to…awkward. I thought things were fine, honestly. He had taken a week off of work and he and I spent some time together and really got along just fine. Then he went back to work, Caleb and I went for a walk on the beach Saturday and ate at a really nice little Italian place down the street. Sunday morning comes, and Markos thinks we should move. So, we did. We packed up and left that day. It was not the most ideal parting we could have had, but we cannot change that now. Caleb found a few places that looked promising and we went out and saw one. After a while, we decided it was satisfactory. We have our own room (and I have a whole closet to myself and not nearly enough clothes to fill it!) with a lock, a rather large bathroom we all share, and a nice kitchen, not to mention the huge television in the living room with two sofas and a lazy-boy chair. Plus, we get the added bonus of bikes we can use. We all get our own. It’s pretty cool. We are on Chevron Island (it really is a little island here, two bridges total and no other way to get on or off it) and there are heaps of shops and two butchers and whatnot just down the block. And Surfers Paradise (the place we were living in before) is like 10 minutes away if we walk.

So, we are pretty happy where we are now. Even if we have to pay rent and have to ride a bike for like five minutes to get to the beach. Things are okay here.

So, I start classes soon. And if things aren’t taken care of in time, I have a full two weeks to change classes and not be charged for it. I hope it doesn’t come to that. I need to get my books soon…

Not a whole lot to say…

But it feels like I should post something.
I have no idea what to say. I don’t know who to address, or what to address for that matter.
Lots of thoughts racing through, lots of emotions bubbling up, lots of acting…

Work. I’ve been working for the past three days. I am not use to working the weekends. It wasn’t exactly horrible, but it could have been better. I mean, my goodness! Is it really that difficult to put clothing back on the hanger the correct way? Do you honestly have to leave clothing lying on the floor? Must you really pile clothes so high I cannot carry the load? I guess it gives me something to do, but I’d rather not do that. I am not your mother…I realize it is my job to clean up after the customer. I fully accept that. But I should not have to feel like a mother scared about going into a room after you for fear of a mess from hell.
I go back to work tomorrow. Closing. Monday nights aren’t that bad.
::”I’ve never had to buy maternity clothes before.”
::”I apologize. I don’t know much about them. I’ve never had to buy them either.”
::”Oh one day you will.”
::Yeah, not so much. But you don’t know that. “Yeah, maybe. Have a nice day.”
::”You too.”

School. I’ve been able to concentrate better. I think so at least. I don’t really have my days straight right now. It’s Sunday, right? Feels like a Tuesday or Thursday. No idea why, it just does. Class tomorrow at 8am. Finish at 11am. Laundry must be done before 1pm. Lunch somewhere in there (hopefully). Band at 2pm. Break at 4pm. Work at 5pm. Homework at 10pm. I have to read somewhere in there too. Quiz in one class on Tuesday morning. I cannot start getting behind already. I already have a D on one quiz. I didn’t read the material before class. Something else took priority that night…something that shouldn’t have. But what’s done is done. No changing the past now. I hope to have an easy day tomorrow…maybe hookah after work. Or a good workout. I need one or the other…perhaps both.
::”Oh my goodness. I love you!”
::”I love you too!”
::”We’re like uber good friends. How long do you think we’ve known each other?”
::”Like 2 or 3 years?”
::”Yeah, we met less than a month ago.”
::You don’t really know me. Not a one of you does. It’s all just an act….

I’m off to get some rest. I have to be up early so I can get out of the apartment earlier than usual. I need something to eat in the morning for breakfast. Or I’ll just get a soda. Either way…I need something in the morning to get me going….