The end of 2018

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything for fun (or therapy).

I’m at work today. No coworker in the lab with me. No boss down the aisle.

Less than 4 weeks till my first marathon.
Training is going decently well. My longest run to date is 15 miles, which is a little disappointing. However, I felt great after that run.

Three classes left until I graduate again.
Roughly 8 months from now, I will have my Masters of Science in Biotechnology from Johns Hopkins. No idea what the future holds after that.

Rumors of romantic interest have reached my ears.
I don’t know if I will accept though. With the future up in the air, it seems foolish to get involved. Plus, my trust issues tend to ruin things. (Or I pick the wrong guy, or he turns out to be insane…)

Family times are becoming more fun.
Christmas weekend with my favourite people makes the crazy schedule I work almost worth it. I love the silly times we get to share. Painting fingernails, putting together robot lizards, singing along to songs on the radio…

Brendan is engaged.
That sentence is just…wrong. I care about him and want the best for him, honestly. But I can’t help worrying that this isn’t the best choice for him. Not based on the last few conversations we’ve had. Especially those about her. I hope I am wrong, but I doubt I am.

I should get back to working on extra projects. The lab will run much better if I get them finished.


August 18, 2018

I’m sitting at Starbucks using the Wi-Fi and drinking coffee.
Drip coffee. It’s delicious.
I have one final left for the summer semester and I’m putting off working on it for a bit. It’s very subjective this time and I’m not exactly comfortable with no hard rules for what to do on an exam.
Or in life for that matter.
I have been doing some quiet times lately. Every night this week, except Friday, after I give the dog her meds I open my Bible and read.
I was super exhausted after working 5 straight days of 12 hour shifts. Two of them were solo days.
I let my body take over and I am ashamed.
I had time to sit in a bath tub with a book. I had time to put on a relaxation mask. I had time to watch TV.
I should have used that time more efficiently.

Today is Saturday and its the only day I have to obligations this week. Tomorrow is church.
Orchestra. 1st grade Sunday school. Symphony. Escape room.
Don’t get me wrong; I love the obligations I have.
But I’m tired this week.

My response

I spend all my time working, so I don’t check my personal email, much. However, I went in today, and for some reason, I’m still subscribed to this blog, so I got an alert. Since I’m surprised that you would still be posting on this thing and sending me these passive-aggressive messages literally three years later, I read your post. My only thought:
“He wasn’t just a friend, if you were wondering.”
Seriously, how many other guys did you spread your legs for while we were dating? Be honest. I counted four, but it sounds like there were more. Never once did I ACTUALLY cheat on you. I really thought about it toward the end because I wanted out of that relationship in a bad way, but I never actually went out with, kissed, or had sex with other girls. You had revenge sex on two different occasions, for goodness sake. Then, you had the nerve to get into my phone and say goodness knows what to Hannah (someone I really wish I’d have dated instead of you). What lies did you tell her, anyway? Who else did you decide to message in order to “get even?” Good gosh . . . I’ve been with two girls since you, and that’s all. I’m being a good boy, now. I’m glad you are being better these days (or at least say you are), but damn. I doubt you’re willing to come clean and respond to any of this, but I’ll send this, anyway.

I did not write to you, so stop thinking that this blog is a way to “get to you” or whatever. I write here for me and only me. I’d be perfectly fine with you unsubscribing. Probably better that way.
I never cheated on you. I was reminded for a very long time in the beginning that we were not together. You constantly told me you did not want a relationship with me. So I acted on that until you said differently. Those names you like to drop? Never did anything with any of them while we were in a real relationship, one that you agreed to be in with me.
YOU on the other hand actively sought attention from other girls. You pursued many of them while in the same room as me. You attempted to meet up with them while we were supposed to be in a relationship. YOU tried to date Hannah while spending nights in my bed. All I did was inform her of your actions.

So there ya go. A response. The last one you’ll ever get from me.

July 2018

….it’s been a long time since I’ve been on here. Probably should change that.


I’ve been attending church. Playing my oboe in the orchestra. Making good friends. Thanks to the church attendance, I’ve been able to fix some of my actions.

Tyler was back in town last week. We talked for a bit about him coming in several months ago.
I was definitely up for a visit. It’s been 2 or so years since he’s been around.
He wasn’t just a friend, if you were wondering.
When we talked about his visit, I was planning on letting him stay with me a few nights.
For old time’s sake.
So Sunday he texted me that he landed and was up for hanging out.
Since I had work the next day we didn’t plan on his staying over.
We saw Deadpool 2.
I didn’t take him home. I didn’t even really touch him.
It felt empty and meaningless.
Which was a good thing. Church is helping me.
We parted ways and planned on hanging out the next evening for a run/dinner.
That didn’t end up happening. Thank God.
He was busy the next night, I had church the following evening.
So Thursday was tentatively agreed upon. He just had to meet me at the group run.
That didn’t happen. I think he forgot.
Everything was finally making sense in my brain. I stopped texting.
I was busy at work anyway…
He left town in a bad mood and probably offended.
But I was good. I didn’t waiver. I kept my head straight.

I’ve been praying for a sign when I meet a guy. More specifically, that I can meet the man God intends me to be with for life. A big sign, like slap-you-in-the-face sign.

That hasn’t happened yet.


I’m in the middle of the summer semester. After this class, it’s all electives and I’ll be done in just over a year.
Not sure where I want to end up after. Currently, my job isn’t too bad. It isn’t what I want to do for the rest of my career, but it’s tolerable. I think it has something to do with training the intern and proving that I can do paperwork as well. In fact, I’ve been catching mistakes and pointing them out.


Next week, I travel for work. It’s been 3 years in the making and it’s finally happening. I get training on one of the most important instruments we use. And I will be the only one in the lab that has it. I will have more knowledge and skill on that instrument than my manager.


I have been slightly training for a 50K race/run later this year. And a 20K race near my birthday.
I booked plane tickets to NYC for my 30th. My mom has never been and I’m making her go with me. I’m excited, while she is petrified of the subways.


You’ve gotten fat. It makes me feel bad for you. And so glad I’m not there to hear you complain. After your last texts, I have little sympathy for you. You made your bed, now deal with it.