It’s been an interesting day and it’s just the start of the new year.
2016 was filled with work and school and feeling resentful that I didn’t get to travel more. Or do more races. Or really relax with friends.
So I’m hoping to fix that this year. Today started it.
I w0ke up early without an alarm and I layed in bed thinking about everything. One semester to go in graduate school, and possibly expand my career. My lease is up in May as well. I looked on the internet for new, larger apartments and ended up visiting one. It’s nice, but not quite what I want for the price. So I’ll keep looking. I have the time. My brain is so focused on what to do in 5 months, I’m almost afraid the semester will suffer more than it needs to. We are short staffed again and are lacking a lab manager. Feeling unappreciated and unnoticed most days does not make me want to work harder. Its always been a possibility of my leaving the company once my Master’s is completed, but I didn’t think it would end like this. (I’m not even sure its ended, but it feels like it might.)
Until that day, I will work as I’m able and save up money. I have enough to pay back the school loans in full, but I want to travel abroad this summer so I need to save up more. I will keep working hard, because I am wired that way. It’s not in me to leave something unfinished.
I’m ready for a good year. God knows I could use one with more smiles and less stress.
One man’s drama is another man’s dream.
One man’s torture is another man’s treat.
One man’s trophy is another’s mistake.
One man’s poison is another man’s cake.
I’m hard to handle well. It’s not a crime. I’m hard to handle, it’s a state of mind….Baby, let’s face it I wasted your time.
Lyrics: Idina Menzel’s latest album.
But it fits me so well when I think of this blog and those 4 years.
I’ve had an awesome weekend so going into Monday morning work wasn’t the worst thing ever. One of the guys even made a chocolate pie. (Not for me specifically, but I’ll take it!)
The weather is awesome.
My friends are awesome.
The new man is awesome.
My hot pink funfetti cake was awesome.
I feel awesome.
And blessed. Very blessed.
This is an open letter to any guy I date in the future.
Thanks to my past failures in the love department, I have huge trust issues. Not only have I been cheated on my the two guys I dated longest and the only two I said I loved, but they made me feel crazy to even consider they might be unfaithful.
It takes a lot for me to open up to someone and let them in.
It takes me a long time to really feel comfortable with someone.
It takes time and consideration from you to help me think of you as different.
So, when I do finally open up and let you in my heart…I don’t want to regret it. I’ve been burned too much to just blindly trust again.
Please be patient with me.
Please don’t assume that I feel any certain way.
Please let me learn to trust you.
Please don’t lead me on if you don’t want the same thing out of this.
Please be honest with me.
Please don’t use me.